Caffeine Critic

[Review] Ol’ Glory: America’s Energy Drink

Happy Independence Day, all! To celebrate today, I was going to take the entire day off from reviewing anything until I realized I’ve only done a handful of reviews spanned across both Everyview and here on Caffeine Critic over the past month. Entirely weak, I know, but hopefully the holiday will refresh my vigor and vitality, making it possible to continue writing without feeling lethargy sneaking up on me. Either that or it will just make me hungover tomorrow morning.

Regardless, in observance of our nation’s celebration of gaining independence, I’ve got a very special energy drink: Ol’ Glory. Subtitled as “America’s Energy Drink” and packaged in a can plastered with the U.S. flag as a decoration, with one of the fifty stars proudly displaying a budget price tag of only 99¢, this is a true celebration of democracy. And the banner ad at the top, offering you the chance to “Energize Your Future” when you become part of the Army National Guard is very tasteful. I mean, who doesn’t want to be recruited by a budget energy drink?

Straight from the can:

I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Ol’ Glory is proud to donate a portion of its sales to support the families of the military men & women who serve our country. To learn more visit www.OlGlory.com

Review:

I’m honestly pretty scared. It’s not because I’m a terrorist or a communist or anything, in fact I love America just as much as the next guy. But this can is terrifying. If it tastes anything like it looks, this is going to be one of the worst energy drinks I’ve ever had. To get an idea for what I’m in for, I pop the top and lean in for a whiff. Surprisingly, Ol’ Glory smells fantastic. Very much like sprite, only slightly fruity and a bit sweeter. It’s absolutely delicious and has helped put some of my fears to rest, but I’ll maintain some of my cynicism for now.

Bottoms up.

Woah. Let me try that again, I’m not sure if it was awful, delicious, or somewhere in the middle.

Holy shit, it’s actually really good! It has a smooth, refreshing taste, appetizing texture, and it tastes like a lemon-lime soda, which makes it very accessible to people who aren’t usually into energy drinks. Of course, Ol’ Glory is anything but perfect. While there aren’t really any damning traits, there are ones that the drink could certainly benefit from losing. We’ll start with the aftertaste, which isn’t disgusting but is certainly uncomfortable. There’s also a slight syrupy feel to the drink that likely won’t appeal on a hot summer’s day.

After finishing off the can, I could feel a kick start to settle in. It took about thirty minutes for it to take full effect, and was about exactly what I had expected from peaking at the ingredients list. The boost is relatively weak, especially when compared to market leaders, but is about what you would expect from a dollar energy drink such as this. I did notice a slight crash at the end of the kick, which only lasted about two hours total, but that could be because I’ve got this awful sunburn and am slightly dehydrated the way it is.

Do we really need to be talking about Ol’ Glory’s value? It’s 99¢ and it’s a whole hell of a lot better than it should be for such a low price. It comes packaged in the horrifyingly ugly 16oz, two serving can and is $1.00 to $1.50 cheaper than the market leaders. This is definitely a bargain, and it’s certainly more than worth the price.

Final Words:

I’ve reviewed budget drinks before, and rarely are any of them any good. I entirely expected to use the Army recruiting ad to enlist myself, go overseas, and pray that someone would drop a bomb on me, shattering my body into a million pieces so I wouldn’t have to remember how awful this stuff was. Somehow though, Ol’ Glory managed to surprise me with what is actually a pretty good energy drink. Partner that with its excellent value and this is a product I can wholeheartedly recommend. Just poor it out of that ridiculously blatant can if you plan on walking around a neighborhood with a large Mexican or Asian population. They’ll just assume you’re a racist bigot.

Pros

• Smells like a fruity Sprite or 7-Up
• Tastes like it, too!
• Only 99¢

Cons

• Aftertaste
• Sits a little heavy on the stomach
• Weak kick

Score: 7.7/10 (Good)

Aroma: 8.5/10
Taste: 8.25/10
Kick: 5.0/10
Value: 9.0/10