By Xaquiri Daiquiri
Sigh… Love. What a beautiful thing. There is nothing more splendid that finding that one perfect match for you. The one person that matches you to the deepest degree. The person with which you can make sensual, sweet love for the rest of your life. Your soul mate.
Sadly, not everyone is equally able to find that elusive love. I am one of those people. No matter where I go, what I say or how I dress, women quite simply aren’t interested in anything I have to offer. Perhaps it is because I’m prematurely balding? Well, I’m also fat… that probably has something to do with it. I’m also blessed with a face that resembles a burn victim, through my scars were caused by years of teenage acne as opposed to the raging flames of a house fire. I know I’m not the only one. No, there are dozens of us! People who can’t seem to find love are all around you, sulking in the shadows of your happiness, holding a gun to our heads and masturbating with Kroger-brand unscented lotion.
However, many of us have our ways of finding women even if they aren’t interested in us. The only one I’ve ever participated in is drastically lowering my standards, accepting anything with a vagina and a heartbeat. Well… a vagina at least. Sounds sad, doesn’t it? The dead ones are much better than the morbidly obese, bearded man-ladies I often take home.
The other two options are ones I’m not so fond in, but I’ve heard they work. The first is slipping a rufilin into a girl’s drink, taking her home and having your way with her. The other is very similar to the roofie trick, only much cheaper. Simply grab a brick or large rock off the ground, and instead of slipping it into her drink, bash your selected lover over the skull with it. Same effect of date rape drugs without the expense and risk of dealing with a shady drug dealer.
Thank God that there is finally a fourth way to find love. Harcos Labs’ newest creation, the Love Energy Potion, is sure to have the devastating effect of Cupid’s Arrow on any woman you give it to, making it impossible for her to resist you.
No, that’s not really what it is. Love Energy Potion is just a new flavor of Harcos’ classic energy formula, injected with some aphrodisiacs to pump your sex drive. I’m not a hundred percent sure if it truly has that effect, but we’ll see how it manages to stack up against stiff energy shot competition.
Upon releasing the cap from the little potion-shaped bottle, I leaned in for a sample of the sweet aroma of love’s luscious nectar. Hm… Strawberry? Yes. Strawberry. The perfume is rather light, and very stimulating with a slightly sour aspect that tingles your olfactory receptors into an orgasm. Not a good orgasm really, instead one that took far too long to arrive, and you’ve had to struggle just to keep your erection after a drawn out sex session. It’s kind of nice, but certainly far from the best you’ve ever experienced.
The flavor is much more solid, offering a candy-like appeal that is sweet, artificial, and very satisfying. The viscous texture of the shot helps it achieve a feeling of refreshment that so many energy shots aren’t able to find. The loose liquid also ensures the shot is able to flow out of its awkwardly-shaped bottle without a slow-drip effect.
In terms of boost, Love Energy Potion performs just as amazingly as I have come to expect from Harcos. It hits fast, lasts a decent while, and makes you feel absolutely awesome. It may be a little strong for many, but I found it to be some excellent, fidgetless energy that didn’t give me the shakes or have any negative effects. Until, that is, it wore off and I was left with a mild crash. I decided to slowly sip my second shot, making it last about half an hour (which isn’t easy to do with a 2 oz shot that tastes this good) and it made all the difference. The kick lasted even longer and I experienced no crash.
Love Energy Potion is an absolutely fantastic product, and one that I whole-heartedly recommend to everyone. Too bad I’m an awful reviewer and didn’t review this stuff while it was still available to purchase from Harcos Labs’ online store. Still, if you ever find it, give it a shot. If nothing else, I’m sure it’ll be back next year.
2 Comments to “[Review] Love Energy Potion”
[Energy Shot Review] Love Energy Potion | Everyview — October 4, 2012 @ 4:38 PM