[Review] Amp Energy Gum (Citrus Flavor)

Energy gums are certainly nothing new. I remember going to Blockbuster once a day just to get my hands on a pack or two of delicious, caffeinated Jolt Gum; one of the greatest energy candies I’ve ever had the pleasure of consuming. It tasted great, had a decent texture, and it actually worked!

amp gum review

And then there’s this. Amp Energy Gum. The worst gum I’ve ever put in my mouth. It is truly amazing how Amp simply can’t make a decent product, yet for some reason they are still considered a prevalent force in the Energy Industry. I fail to see why people continue to buy their crap. If it were good, that would be one thing. But when they put shit like this on the market, on purpose, it kind of makes you question their integrity as a business, as well as what type idiots who continue to buy their products.

Review:

When beginning to chew the gum, it is actually very pleasant. The sweet citrus flavor is very unique, unlike any other gum I’ve tasted before, and the texture is very pleasant in your mouth. I was completely dumbfounded at this point, because I really rather enjoyed Amp Energy Gum, which is strange to me because Amp hardly ever makes quality products.

I spoke too soon. No joke, not even an entire minute after putting what seemed like an innocent piece of delicious chewing gum in my mouth, everything went to Hell, which is clearly where this shit came from in the first place. The soft citrus flavor was gone, and replaced by an unbelievable, painful bitterness. It is fucking awful.

How can I be sure to thoroughly explain to you how awful this gum is to make sure you never buy it? Hm… Ok, I’ve got it. Remember learning about the Holocaust? The heartless slaughter of thousands upon thousands of innocent people, through unspeakably horrendous means? Well take that whole thing, role it up into a ball, and put it in your mouth. But wait! We aren’t done yet.

Now imagine two incest catholic nuns pissing on their paralyzed brother while cutting his legs with rusty box cutters. Now imagine a dead baby being eaten by a vulture after being abandoned by his cracked out parents in the desert and left to rot for three days. Imagine that soft flesh, the dried eye balls, swollen inner organs popping and pussing with every peck from the hungry bird. Lastly, imagine your great grandmother fucking a dog. If she’s dead, imagine your grandmother. If she’s dead, imagine your mom. If she’s dead imagine yourself. If you’re dead, you probably chewed Amp Energy Gum.

Take all of that, and put it in your mouth. You taste the horror? The regret? The darkness? The tears? Of course you do. Unless you’re just completely fucked up, in which case you probably taste nothing but guilty satisfaction.

Final Words

I’m not kidding. Fuck this shit. It is so awful that I can not recommend anyone, anywhere, ever spend money on it. That’s like paying a giant black guy to dry rape your ass until your nose starts to bleed. And then keep going. I’m done writing about this nasty gum. You have been warned. This is quite literally the worst gum, caffeinated or otherwise, that I’ve ever put in my mouth.

Pros

  • Is pretty good for the first 53 seconds

Cons

  • And then it’s like having a fully grown elephant step on your dick, while wearing elephant cleats.

Score: 1.0/10 (Abysmal)

25 Comments to “[Review] Amp Energy Gum (Citrus Flavor)”

  1. By edjunkie, May 3, 2010 @ 10:04 PM

    So I am guessing you are not a fan of this gum or lube free anal rape( dry anal rape on the beach is even better though). There is just no accounting for taste. Truly though there are much worse gums out there though. The Rockstar gum taste better for sure. Still I thought the Amp gum did provide a quick boost of energy as long as you only chewed it for a few minutes.

  2. By Zac Pritcher, May 4, 2010 @ 2:59 PM

    The Rockstar gum is certainly much better, and while the Amp gum can provide a boost, it is just so fucking terrible that it isn’t worth the minuscule kick you are getting. Energy gums are for more passive caffeine consumption anyway, if I want a real kick I’ll grab a can of Monster or Cocaine.

  3. By cybele, May 4, 2010 @ 8:38 PM

    It’s funny how really bad candy or gum can make me really angry. And when it’s caffeinated it’s even worse. I think I like Black Black best as far as caffeinated gum. (It’s great for headaches, too.)

  4. By Brain, May 4, 2010 @ 9:32 PM

    Lemonade Amp is delicious. That is all.

  5. By Caffeine A Holic, May 19, 2010 @ 11:41 AM

    This stuff was pretty bad. I got about 2 minutes of satisfaction from the flavor before it took a downward spiral. So far Amp has only done one thing good, that being the Amp Juices.

  6. By 50, June 2, 2010 @ 5:50 PM

    I bought the gum and I actually like Amp energy drinks. I think the gum is quite good as well. I, for one, am not an idiot. You are just a flat out bitch. This review doesn’t even make sense. Go back to kindergarden dumbass

  7. By Zac Pritcher, June 2, 2010 @ 7:57 PM

    Learn how to spell kindergarten before calling people dumb asses and idiots.

    Come back when you are able to articulate more than a generic and butthurt internet insult.

  8. By al, June 10, 2010 @ 1:43 PM

    Try Encaff Energy Stix if you want a great tasting caffeinated product. This “pixie stix” product is far better than most energy drinks & energy shot…and gum too.

  9. By BevMafia, June 16, 2010 @ 2:28 PM

    Wow! Your a total disgrace to your profession and the world at large. Do you really call yourself a “REVIEWER”. I think you’re new name should be “TOTAL FUCKING DUMBASS”. Companies give you product and expect you to give them a professional review and you turn it into complete bullshit. Instead of saying that you don’t like it and giving an accurate description of the product, you turn it into a complete waste of everyones time. I don’t like AMP products either, but this is going way to far. I use this to take a look at some of your other reviews and it appears that they are a complete sham as well. Way to go MR TOTAL FUCKING DUMBASS thanks for wasting everyones time.

  10. By Zac Pritcher, June 16, 2010 @ 7:21 PM

    First off, I payed for this with my own money as I do a large amount of the items I review. And as for me wasting your time, it’s called a sense of humor and I highly suggest you learn how to develop one. Also, there is absolutely nothing unintelligent about this review, or any of my others. If you’ve ever taken even a single writing class, you learn how to draw metaphors to get your point across to the reader. I did just that. For more terrible products I draw more painful and offensive metaphors to show the reader that yes, this product is THAT bad.

    As for calling me a sham, I’m actually rather successful with this hobby of mine, as this is the second website I manage, and combined my sites earn me enough money to pay the bills.

    Also, if you are going to insult me for the way I express my opinion, be sure to not leave a comment doing effectively little more than calling me “Mr Total Fucking Dumbass” and go into detail on why I am qualified to take on such a flattering title.

  11. By Energy Shot, August 23, 2010 @ 5:41 AM

    Its about your personal taste, you like it or not, but it offers a good energy kick…..

  12. By Apersondude1, September 10, 2010 @ 3:54 PM

    Meh. I like it, and don’t mind the bitter taste. But that’s just me.

  13. By Zac Brown, September 29, 2010 @ 9:18 AM

    I just popped some Amp gum in my mouth and it is gooood. Like everyone else, the strong flavor doesn’t last very long. But that is ok. It happens…its gum. I can’t remember all the other energy gum that I have tried, but I do know Amp is one of the best that I ever had.

  14. By joe markiewicz, November 5, 2010 @ 8:49 PM

    sounds 2 me you had a big black man dry rape your ass while you were chewing this gum.you should try the gum again.maybe you were to much into the black man dry raping you azz hooo

  15. By scoobyutm, December 3, 2010 @ 3:40 PM

    I like it, tried it at University of Memphis demo taster and I will actually buy it or take more samples.

  16. By i, January 17, 2011 @ 10:33 PM

    ALL of the amp products are good and work also 99% of gum loses it flavor after a min or 2 duhh

  17. By Spencer St Jean, February 23, 2011 @ 5:32 PM

    ur fucked buddy

  18. By kyle, March 14, 2011 @ 9:40 PM

    i just bought a pack and it actually wasn’t that bad. i don’t know if its just me, but i kind of enjoyed the taste. and as for the energy, it gave me an energy buzz for about 2 hours.

  19. By mike, April 26, 2011 @ 11:21 PM

    I started chewing my first piece of Amp energy gum about 30 seconds ago. This is the first Amp product I have ever tried, and I have to say I am pleasantly surprised. I was expecting it to have an awful energy taste. Instead, it has a surprisingly sweet citrus flavor, quite unlike anything I have ever tasted before. I honestly have no clue what the reviewer was talking about, it tastes good to… What the fuck!? I take back everything I just said. The flavor just changed! It’s fucking awful! The overly-exaggerated metaphors in the review are actually starting to sound tasty to me, compared to this. They should change the label to “Shitrus Flavor”

  20. By John, August 2, 2011 @ 3:39 PM

    AMP is delicious. My favorite is the lemonade flavor. I haven’t had a single amp that tasted bad. The Orange juice from AMP was not great, but it was good. AMP gum was delicious. I think you are exaggerating everything. Its great at first, gets a little bad tasting, then stays pretty decent.

  21. By sean, October 11, 2012 @ 1:18 AM

    i think this reveiw pretty much summed up my experiance as well! And to all the uptight people who have no sense of humor, change your tampon and wash the sand out of your vagina’s!
    To add to the horrible experiance, this product has given me a headache and a sour stomach! And i am a caffiene freak with an iron stomach! So yeah think twice b4 buying this shit!

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