Mar
25
2011
I, as anyone who has read my review for Drank or ViB likely knows, am a huge fan of relaxation drinks. However, I hardly ever get to enjoy them since literally no gas station around where I live carries any brand of any type of relaxation shot or drink, which is why I’ve only reviewed a slight handful of this type of product. You see, the only time I ever get to drink an anti-energy beverage is when I go out of town to places like Cincinnati, Memphis, Michigan City and Nashville, and those trips don’t happen very often.
That is why, on my recent road trip to Memphis (which is a terrible place), I picked up a few cans of my personal favorite, Drank, and a couple cans of Unwind. This is ironic since I went into the gas station looking to buy a few Monsters to get me through the eight hour drive back home. In fact, it wasn’t until we had been on the road for about an hour that I realized I was thirsty and had only a pile of relaxation beverages to quench my thirst.
I’m not saying these drinks cause drowsiness or tiredness, but I’m very prone to highway hypnosis. The Drank seemed to intensify the effect, leading to many run-ins with rumble strips on the side of the road. Not that I gave a shit. I was too relaxed to jerk into the other. I was feeling smooth.
Mar
7
2011
By Kat Leonard
Okay. I am not a girlie person. Nor am I TOO concerned about my figure. But apparently there is some sort of market out there for energy drinks geared towards women. I am a woman. But that doesn’t mean I want a pink can. I am almost offended by the fact that companies think they need to make a pink can to attract women. Of course… I’m not a usual woman, am I?
Oh well. I’m sure there are women out there attracted to the pink color of cans, clothes, etc., but I just am not one of those. I never have been, I never will be. What’s even worse is that the can is tiny. You know those cans you would get with your Lunchables sometimes filled with that subpar Cola? That size. I hope this doesn’t feminize me.
Review:
Sniffing at the contents, it smells fruity with a kind of chemical odor to it as well. This does not make me want to try it any faster. Tasting it, it is almost exactly how it smells. Fruity. I can’t really pinpoint all of the fruits but strawberry is definitely in there. I HATE STRAWBERRY. Yeuch… Though to be fair I am not really cringing at the fact I have to finish the can. Also, there isn’t much of a kick to this. How do I know before I finish the can? The ingredients list. It is powered by 1,000mg of Taurine and 80mg of caffeine. There are some nice vitamins though like B3, B6, things like that so it will add to the whole kick factor.
Feb
28
2011
By Xaquiri Daiquiri
Sigh… Love. What a beautiful thing. There is nothing more splendid that finding that one perfect match for you. The one person that matches you to the deepest degree. The person with which you can make sensual, sweet love for the rest of your life. Your soul mate.
Sadly, not everyone is equally able to find that elusive love. I am one of those people. No matter where I go, what I say or how I dress, women quite simply aren’t interested in anything I have to offer. Perhaps it is because I’m prematurely balding? Well, I’m also fat… that probably has something to do with it. I’m also blessed with a face that resembles a burn victim, through my scars were caused by years of teenage acne as opposed to the raging flames of a house fire. I know I’m not the only one. No, there are dozens of us! People who can’t seem to find love are all around you, sulking in the shadows of your happiness, holding a gun to our heads and masturbating with Kroger-brand unscented lotion.
However, many of us have our ways of finding women even if they aren’t interested in us. The only one I’ve ever participated in is drastically lowering my standards, accepting anything with a vagina and a heartbeat. Well… a vagina at least. Sounds sad, doesn’t it? The dead ones are much better than the morbidly obese, bearded man-ladies I often take home.
The other two options are ones I’m not so fond in, but I’ve heard they work. The first is slipping a rufilin into a girl’s drink, taking her home and having your way with her. The other is very similar to the roofie trick, only much cheaper. Simply grab a brick or large rock off the ground, and instead of slipping it into her drink, bash your selected lover over the skull with it. Same effect of date rape drugs without the expense and risk of dealing with a shady drug dealer.
Thank God that there is finally a fourth way to find love. Harcos Labs’ newest creation, the Love Energy Potion, is sure to have the devastating effect of Cupid’s Arrow on any woman you give it to, making it impossible for her to resist you.
No, that’s not really what it is. Love Energy Potion is just a new flavor of Harcos’ classic energy formula, injected with some aphrodisiacs to pump your sex drive. I’m not a hundred percent sure if it truly has that effect, but we’ll see how it manages to stack up against stiff energy shot competition.
Feb
17
2011
By Kat Leonard
Cue Rocket Man music
Out there… flying through the air. Red Bull gives you wings? This stuff known as Rocket Chocolate is supposed to make you fly through the air faster than a speeding bullet. But is it all that it claims? It says that it has twice the caffeine. But it doesn’t say what product it has twice as much caffeine as. Another part of the package says ‘Boosts like a cup of coffee’. Of course the package doesn’t list anything at all.
I couldn’t find anything on their site, so there’s really no telling at all what is in it. Bad score there. Bad form, too. The little package does, however, have a little drawing of a rocket ship. Each wrapper is differently colored according to flavor. The ingredients list on this one (Chocolate Mint flavor) states milk chocolate, lecithin, vanillin, coconut oil, caffeine, natural peppermint oil, glycerine. It also has a warning that it may contain traces of peanut butter. Good thing I’m not allergic to that.
Feb
4
2011
By Kat Leonard
I am sad to say I have been poisoned. Yes, poisoned. By Barium.
Oh wait… Are you telling me it was just a candy? Well then! Nevermind. I’ll be perfectly fine. Barium Energy Powder is one of the newer flavors of powders made by Harcos Labs. I have had a lot of horrible-tasting powders just like my fellow reviewer has had horrible mints.
I was a bit sketchy about trying the powder from Harcos Labs because of these previous experiences. So, I just ordered one tube and I am wishing I had ordered more. Find out why in a second…
Jan
30
2011
By Kat Leonard
I don’t really have a lot of times when I actually NEED to open up a can of Whoopass, but that doesn’t mean I won’t when the time calls for it. Oh yes. I am willing and able to open up that can. Usually when I do open it I’m trying to pwn n00bs on Xbox Live rather than actually getting into the ring like the MMA’s Ryan Bader, the most-known endorser of this drink.
Supposedly this stuff isn’t just for energy, but for helping in muscle recovery after a long workout session. There are actually a few drinks and shots that align themselves with being for physical exertion rather than a gamer or someone at work needing that boost to get rid of the sleepies after lunch. Honestly, I think I fall more into the gamer category more than anything else.
Heck, I might as well admit it. I one hundred percent fall into the ‘gamer’ portion of the energy drink consumers. I am not an athlete. Never will be. I was for a short stint but we won’t talk about that. You don’t want to hear about my personal history, you want a kickass review for Whoopass Energy Drink!
Jan
27
2011
Hello everyone. I have recently been added to the Caffeine Critic staff. I go by Kat. I have recently become rather involved in the edible caffeine product community. There is a lot of stuff out there that is good and not-so-good. There are a lot of contenders for the throne as best energy drink, mint, chew, and shot. I hope I can help you figure out which is the best and which just falls flat. I hope to make it so that your reading isn’t boring and that you don’t need an energy drink just to get through my review of an energy drink.
Look for my reviews at least once a week. I’ve got quite a few things in stockpile already.
If there is any product out there that you want reviewed, just send me an email entitled ‘Caffeine Review Suggestion’ to tdn.kat(at)gmail(dot)com.
Jan
26
2011
Harcos Labs, the folks behind a host of thoroughly awesome energy products like Health Energy Potion, Nuclear Energy Powder, and both Blood and Zombie Blood, are launching their newest product just in time for Valentine’s Day!
Love Energy Potion looks to keep the form factor of Mana and Health Energy Potions with its mystical vial-like bottle, and will have a strawberry flavor. The whole gimmick behind the shot is to get your partner in the mood for some good old-fashioned sexin’ this Valentine’s Day, containing ingredients like horny goat weed that are said to be sexually stimulating.
Check out the sexy site dedicated to Love Potion by following this link. Just remember to keep it in your pants.
Dec
23
2010
First off, I’d like to apologize to all of my readers for not posting a single update to the site since October 22. Yeah, I’ve been really busy lately. School, working two jobs, running for mayor, and simultaneously playing through Dragon Age: Origins and The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask has really taken up a large sum of my time, and I have to admit that Caffeine Critic has recently become the least of my worries. I’m thinking about possibly hiring someone with a passion for energy drinks to join the team and write a review or two a week.
But you don’t care about that! You care about Revive Energy Mints!
If there’s anyone reading this that also reads Everyview, you may recall some overly negative reviews in regards to energy mints and candies before. That’s because energy mints are almost always terrible. There are very few redeeming qualities to these candies, and in the end it just isn’t worth putting up with the painfully awful taste of the products to freshen your breath and get a quick kick. Is Revive a rare exception, or another forgettable energy mint?
Oct
22
2010
Energy drink brands licensed by sports teams or athletes almost always suck.
Really.
The closest thing I’ve had to an energy drink endorsed by a pro sports athlete was Amp Tradin’ Paint, and that was licensed to the Dale Earnhardt Jr. name, and he’s not an athlete. He’s a race car driver. And anyone who thinks Nascar drivers are athletes, or that Nascar driving could ever be considered a sport is an idiot. That’s like saying cheerleading or women’s basketball are sports.
Wait, what were we talking about?
Oh yes, of course. I don’t even know what sport the Louisville Cardinals are associated with. Football or basketball, one of the two. I know baseball already has a Cardinals team from St. Louis, so I don’t imagine there is room in the league for two. But maybe there is.
I honestly don’t care.
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